Jaguar S-type is a magnificant cat

THERE they were, two old dears scowling at me quite disgustingly and mumbling away between themselves.

They looked at my car, they looked at me, they looked at each other and they shook their heads. And it didn’t take much cop on to understand what they were saying. “What’s the likes of HIM doing getting out of a car like THAT?”

I suppose it was only to be expected. After all, if you’re going to step up to your “betters” then you’d darn well better look and behave like them.

Okay, so I wasn’t exactly dressed for the part – raggy tee-shirt, jeans and God, the hell of it, plimsoles! Not to mention the hair, and the designer stubble. But what did they expect on the ‘morning after’. I mean, I was only nipping round to the shop for some milk for the breakfast. I mean, this didn’t happen when I was driving the Beemer and the Merc!

But this isn’t the done thing when you’re, dammit, driving a Jaguar – “even more especially, dear lad, when it’s the latest luxurious S-Type Exec,” a wise old business gent delicately pointed out to me tapping his finger on my shoulder. “Nothing evokes the reaction of a Jag.”

So I smartened up my act, put the suit in for a rapid four-hour clean and took the brush to the shoes. By the time I’d finished not even herself recognised me. Worse still, not even I recognised me! And you know, it had an immediate effect.

Took the Jag to a lunch date at one of those awfully posh city hotels and the doorman came over and said: “Leave it with me, Sir, I’ll look after it.” Well... I could have tripped over my loaned umbrella!

So what about this magnificent cat that resurrects the spirit of the great 50s Jag Mk 2? It’s the company’s – as you know, now under the wing of Ford – first small – well, it’s not THAT small – Jaguar since the 60s and with its retro styling looks the part. Okay, it may not have the stunning and muscular looks of the BMW Five-Series, but its distinctive grille, four separate driving lamps, steeply raked windscreen, gently arched wings and curvaceous bonnet hark back to the Jags of old but with a modern twist giving it a greater dynamic sharpness. A head turner, indeed, but that doesn’t mean handsome.

It is fractionally bigger than its main rivals, the Mercedes E-Class and BMW 5-Series, but 6.4 inches shorter than its XJ8 brother.

Beneath the skin is a newly-developed chassis that shares its parts with Ford’s Lincoln. The 240bhp 3.0 litre quad-cam V6 engine on our test car is also Ford-based and, retuned, it is the first ever to appear in a production Jag.

Inside the lounge-like interior there is much leather and wood. Sit three adults in the rear and space is seen to be a lot more plentiful than Jags of old. It has good kneeroom and high backs that ensure, as only to be expected, excellent creature comfort.

The front seats are figure-hugging and high on comfort. The driving seat, like the steering wheel, is electrically adjusted to achieve a near-perfect position. Then click in the memory to save it. When you remove the ignition key the steering wheel goes back as does the seat allowing easy exit and access. Then, each time you sit in and insert the key wheel and seat readjust to your personal memorised requirements.

Maple wood veneer on the doors, facia and centre console along with touches of chrome all look far more at home in a Jaguar than they do on other execs.

The driving environment is clean and uncluttered, instruments clearly laid out and well organised. There are a few decent cubbies, door pockets and a modest glovebox which, on my test car, had an optional CD player fitted.

Other top features on my 3.0 litre V6 Executive included five three-point seat belts, driver, passenger and side airbags, wheel-mounted controls for the radio and cruise control, dual-zone climate control, separate for driver and passenger, traction control, antilock brakes, electric windows and mirrors all round, remote central locking complete with deadlocks, leather seats, electric tilt ‘n’ slide glass sunroof and delay ‘follow me home’ headlamps.

The boot is long, wide and shallow with the suspensions that intruding into the bay. Space can be increased by splitting/folding the rear seat.

POWER: The S-Type Jaguar range offers two high-tech engine options – the smallest engine for now, the 3.0 litre V6, and the mighty four-litre V8. I haven’t put my foot down on the V8 yet but the V6 has certainly left me lusting for more. Performance is smooth and swift and it all sounds delightful. Maybe if one had to be a little critical it could do with a bit more mid-range punch, but that’s by and by. There’s still plenty of muscle (216lb.ft. of torque) there to keep you fully contented, sit back on the motorways and relax – 0 to 60mph in eight seconds en route to a top speed of 141mph. All achieved through a new five-speed auto gearbox which retains its familiar J gate gear shift.

Also retained is the traditional format of double wishbone suspensions for a magic carpet-like ride.

The on-board computer gave me a bit of a stir showing an average fuel reading of 12.4mpg! But, more thankfully, this was not to be and by the end of the week I had averaged 20.5mpg.

One major dislike – that restrictive rear view window.

Steering is light and although this is a heavy cat, it is very agile with good body control and surefooted at speed.